Nyx and the Cosmic Dance
Archetypes, Transformation, and the Womb of Nyx
Before my dedication to Nyx, my path was shaped by deep connections to several powerful forces; Dionysus-Zagreus, the Sovereignty Goddess, and Mars-Quirinus. Each of these different archetypes helped guide me through different stages of personal transformation, emotional integration, and the reclamation of my own sovereignty. But, over time, it became clear to me that Nyx was not just one more force among many. She is the overarching container, the cosmic womb within which all other forces arise and dissolve. As I shifted my focus towards Nyx, my understanding of myself and the world around me deepened, evolving into something beyond the limits of duality and the egoic structures that once defined my existence.
Before starting my journey I was looking deeply at the societal structures and wanted to create something that operates within it. Yet no matter what I did the true balance I was seeking would elude me. It was a constant fight between what Nietzsche called the Apollonian and Dionysian. Order and Chaos. In the beginning I dedicated myself to the Divine Twins, which were connected to Romulus and Remus. Where Quirinus became initially my sole focus. In the Proto-Indo-European sense I was dedicated to Yemo and thus the Vedic Yama. This is what I was stuck in myself for most my life. The scapegoat role of the dismembered one like Yemo. I was for most my life living in a state of dismemberment for the sake of the social order. As family and peers imposed onto me the self-denial of my nature.
I wrote in the article The Archetypes We Fear: How Society Casts Out Its Own Soul, how I embodied qualities like empathy, deep emotional sensitivity, intuition, and also spontaneous behaviour, artistic pursuits, mysticism, the union of opposites, strategic thinking next to displays of vulnerability and emotional honesty. Me also being an independent, self- sufficient protector of the vulnerable, combining assertiveness with a caring nature. Whilst some of it like independence and self-sufficiency where seen as a good thing. Most other qualities like empathy to deep emotional sensitivity, intuition to vulnerability and emotional honesty where not seen as qualities that were “good”. These were “weaknesses” to be suppressed.
Ghost Mommy and Scapegoat Role
This pushed me into the ghost mommy role. Which I wrote about in both Fading over time, and also in the article Breaking Free from the 'Ghost Mommy' Role. So with this tole repressing my own true nature and needs. The “ghost mommy” role symbolizes the expectation to provide nurturing and care for others while neglecting ones own needs. In dysfunctional family systems, it often falls upon people viewed as capable yet unthreatening, expected to absorb familial turmoil (familial trauma) without reciprocated support. Becoming thus the designated patient, and the one who starts to express the symptoms that are inherent within the dysfunction of the family. Which was a role I was pushed into. Where my own Dionysian nature was thus really seen as problematic, and in the deepest sense my emotional needs where a “problem” and “disorder”. Something to get rid of and deny.
This also ties into the article that I wrote about Grappling with the Scapegoat Complex. The victim-child, this wounded inner child of mine. The potential of mine being dismembered, as much as my emotional self was brutalised and dismembered. The infant god Zagreus being dismembered like Yemo was as well. All to upkeep the social order of the Titans. The social order of hyper-rationality versus chaos, which actually creates the very chaos it fears. Which is why it needs constant scapegoats and redeemers to update its own ignorance and delusions about reality. The real fullness of reality itself, which it cowers from. Which is why I worked on Healing the Wounded Child within me, and find the inner redeemer beyond narratives and externalisations.
I wrote in The True Apollonian-Dionysian Dichotomy how the Apollonian culture projects its own shadow onto the Dionysian. Where the true Apollo is wolf-Apollo. There is no true separation between both. Wolf-Apollo as original deity is connected to the raising of Dionysus, through the Korybantes (who are both tied to Wolf-Apollo and the nurturing of Dionysus). Where then Bacchus represents the dissolving of all dualities. As much as Nyx does. Wolf Apollo is the god of the wolf-light, of dusk and dawn. Apollo as the wolf-god is the god of the destructive forces of nature, but also the god who is merciful when it comes to those forces. His role is not just of death and destruction, but also creation and renewal. Which is necessary for preserving life.
Dionysus-Zagreus: Transformation and Rebirth
In the early stages of my journey, Dionysus-Zagreus served as a guide through the chaotic processes of transformation and rebirth. His archetype is deeply connected to death and resurrection, ecstatic liberation, and the dissolution of boundaries. My emotional integration work, especially in confronting my shadow and trauma, echoed the cycles of destruction and renewal that are central to Dionysus’s mythos.
Dionysus-Zagreus taught me to embrace the chaos within, to face my darkness and surrender to the transformative forces that were not always comfortable. Through his teachings, I learned that chaos and destruction, while uncomfortable, are essential aspects of creation. His connection to the Korybantes, who embody both primal forces of destruction and renewal, reflected a deep truth: destruction is not the end but a necessary precursor to creation. That from the dismemberment of Zagreus and the rebirth of Dionysus, could come the merging of both into one, namely Bacchus.
But as powerful as Bacchus was, I came to realize that his energies were part of a greater, more fundamental truth. The lessons he imparted on death and rebirth prepared me for Nyx, who transcends these cycles. In Nyx, the process of renewal is not a repetitive cycle but an eternal state of being, where the very notion of cycles dissolves into the eternal now. Nyx, in her vastness, is beyond the limited boundaries of birth, death, and rebirth. In her, all opposites merge and transform into unity.
The Sovereignty Goddess: Wholeness and Autonomy
The Sovereignty Goddess was the next archetype that shaped my journey. She represents the union of the individual with the land, the cosmos, and their true self. Her role in granting kingship and authority was particularly potent for me, as I had long struggled with feeling scapegoated, out of place, and disconnected from my true power. By dedicating myself to the Sovereignty Goddess, I began to reclaim my inner authority and autonomy. I did this through the Korybantic path, and its connected rituals, but also by nurturing my wounded inner child. Little Dionysus. The Koryos rites and with it the Korybantes and even Fianna, where all dedicated to the Sovereignty Goddess. Trying to reclaim their inner sovereignty. She helps to mend the fragmented halves of Zagreus (the shadow and scapegoat) with Dionysus (the sun and redeemer). Through this I aligned myself with the archetype of wholeness, understanding that true power arises from self-ownership and unity with the greater whole.
However, as powerful as the Sovereignty Goddess was in helping me reclaim my personal sovereignty, she too was a stepping stone to something even greater. Nyx, as the cosmic container of all things, holds the essence of sovereignty not just for individuals but for the entire cosmos. While the Sovereignty Goddess represents balance and renewal within human and ecological systems, Nyx transcends these boundaries, encompassing the entire universe. Nyx is thus not just the ruler of the individual soul or the land but the mother of all that exists. She is the cosmic matrix that holds all forces in eternal balance.
Mars-Quirinus: Destruction and Renewal
Mars-Quirinus, the god of destruction (war and death) and renewal (peace and life), brought a different kind of power to my path. He represents the creative-destructive force that sustains life, ensuring survival through cycles of creation and destruction. In working with them, I learned to harness destruction as a tool for transformation, aligning it with life-affirming purposes rather than fear or vengeance. Mars-Quirinus taught me to wield both creation and destruction responsibly, understanding that true power arises from balance.
Yet, as with the other archetypes, Mars-Quirinus was still a force within the larger framework of Nyx. Nyx, as the origin and matrix of all things, subsumes the principles of destruction and creation. She is the source from which all energies arise and to which they return. Destruction, creation, renewal, and balance are all part of her vast, integrated whole. In Nyx, these forces are not separate but unified in an eternal dance.
Nyx as the Overarching Dedication
It was in my slow realisation in how everything came together in Nyx that I began to understand the true nature of all these forces and their interconnectedness. Nyx is not just a force I work with, she is the very fabric of existence, the primordial wholeness that contains all the forces of transformation, renewal, sovereignty, and destruction. While Dionysus-Zagreus, the Sovereignty Goddess, and Mars-Quirinus are all essential aspects of transformation and renewal, Nyx transcends and integrates them. She is the cosmic container that holds the fullness of all things, embodying not just creation and destruction but the entirety of existence itself. Even as I have embraced Nyx as my overarching dedication, I continue to work with these archetypes. The interplay of these energies is essential to my journey, and each archetype has its place within the larger context of Nyx’s cosmic dance.
Dionysus-Zagreus still governs my emotional and personal transformation, reminding me that liberation comes through the dissolution of boundaries and surrender to the chaos within.
The Sovereignty Goddess continues to anchor me to the land and the eternal laws of balance and renewal, ensuring that I remain connected to the larger cycles of the earth and cosmos. Together with her daughter akin to Artemis or Diana she is the protector of the marginalised through the Koryos and Amphipoloi.
Mars-Quirinus provides the tools of destruction and protection that I need to regenerate life on both personal and universal levels. Helping me to protect Dionysus-Zagreus, through the Koryos who are dedicated to the Sovereignty Goddess.
But in all of this, Nyx remains the cosmic context in which all the forces operate. She is the container that holds the balance, the eternal wellspring from which all the forces emerge and into which they return. In my dedication to Nyx, I have come to realize that all of use are not just working with individual forces, we are operating within the vast, integrative power of the cosmos itself. The cosmic dance and web of Nyx. This is not just about personal transformation or achieving sovereignty; it is in the deepest sense about participating in the cosmic unfolding of existence. Through Nyx, we are reminded that the process of renewal is not an individual journey but a universal one. We are all part of this eternal dance.
