Outlaw of the Cosmos: Liberation from the Sacrificial System
Fox-Skinned and Free
I discovered another path, beyond the death of the scapegoat. This required me to do research and put together fragmented parts of myth, stretching from modernity all the way back to the Neolithic, and the very foundations of civilisation itself. Looking at everything from early Christianity, Orphism, Mithraism, Buddhism, Alchemy, Jungian Psychology, the work of Sylvia Brinton Perera, the Eleusinian Mysteries, and Dionysian Mysteries. With the strongest focus on Orphism via a Neo-Platonic lens.
Phanes and Dionysus in the Orphic Mythos
Within Orphism, Dionysus, is the form of Phanes within the cosmos. Where Phanes is Dionysus, before the cosmos. When Phanes, in the form of Dionysus-Zagreus (Yemo) is dismembered by Kronos (Manu), then he becomes the lord of the underworld as Hades (Zagreus), but also Dionysus. Though in the dualistic cosmos he remains split, and lost. As the entire goal of civilisation (Kronos) is that Phanes remains dead. As his death is what created the cosmos itself, meaning the dualistic ego structure that upkeeps civilisation.
The Descent as Bassareus and Reclamation of Phanes
But then what I did, as Bassareus (the fox-skinned Dionysus), was to venture into the underworld, and overcome the super-ego. Being guided by the primordial Hecate (Lucia Nyktelios). Then I integrated Hades (the civilizational shadow), by overcoming death through death, and then realised myself as Phanes again. Remembering myself as both Wotan and Phanes (Yemo/Ymir). Then I started to grief myself, till Phanes remained and the ego, and super ego both completely dissolved. Hence I became outside the cosmic order. As Nyktelioi. In this way I could step outside the scapegoat and redeemer paradigm completely.
A Real Descent Into the Unconscious
This process was not something merely mythic or mystical. It was a slow decent into the unconscious, lasting five years, with a final total descend lasting a full year. In which I faced my childhood trauma, and the collective trauma, as localised within my own family and community system of origin, that I had internalised. To integrate all what is normally pushed into the shadow, on both a personal and collective front. As process itself it started with my own intellectual exploration of the entire mythic structure of the collective unconscious of Western Civilisation, and the old Neolithic Proto-Indo-European original foundations.
Embodied Grief and Ego Dissolution
Yet it was not a mere intellectual exploration, but an actual deep emotional and somatic process. Leading to the slow re-embodiment of the soul. Going into deep spirals of grieving my childhood, my Anima (as mother figure I never had, and as symbol of the relationships and love I never had). This was not something as easy as grieving a few days for a bit. This was me grieving for days on end, in spirals of hours of grief. Till all my ego defences were completely gone, leading to a deep depression lasting six months. In which I then eventually experienced a connection to the Self (soul), through the experience of Elysium. This required me to let go of many ego defences, such as intellectualisation, aversion, clinging, projection onto others (shadow and Anima), people-pleasing, strong one persona, distraction, dissociation, and emotional avoidance.
Alchemy Begins: Calcination and Dissolution
When it comes to the longer pattern that played out starting in 2020, this was the alchemical process of Calcination. This is when the ego death started. This was the burning away of the false self, pride, and identification with form or intellect. It is when I experienced humiliation, collapse, and disillusionment. The outer life breaks apart here. Then came the Dissolution. Which was the Descent Into the Waters. This was the unconscious rising; I dissolved the persona, the rational defenses, and the illusion of control. Emotions intensified, the Anima stired, and one feels adrift.
Separation and Conjunction: Sorting and Union
Then came the Separation stage. The sorting of raw matter. Which my Anima Lucia Nyktelios helped me with. Here, one slowly begins distinguishing the true from the false, the soul from the ego, the gold from the dross. This is an analytical yet intuitive stage. This was my study of Indo-European myth, soul archetypes, and dismantling of personal projections (Anima, shadow, ego). After which came the Conjunction. The union of opposites: of the inner masculine and feminine, conscious and unconscious. I here began to embody my Self more fully, but it was fragile. This was for me the first encounter with wholeness. My experience of Elysium.
Fermentation and Archetypal Disintegration
It was after this process was completed that my consciousness was broken down to its archetypal elements. What in alchemy one would call fermentation. Within this phase I no longer had a coherent “I,” and no stable centre had formed yet. It was more like a shifting mode of archetypal currents. This is where the old ego died completely. I here grieved my own death. My rot. And out of the rot came a sacred spark. A new, divine consciousness. This is the spiritual resurrection.
Distillation and Coagulation: Becoming Phanes-Bassareus
It was, through Distillation, when there was a dis-identification with persona, memory, and narrative. The "Self" begins to operate not as an insight or breakthrough, but as an actual center of being. Letting go of roles such as teacher, wounded one, and even seeker. Leading to Coagulation, where the Self becomes embodied. This is the final stage I am still currently in. This is the alchemical gold: not perfection, but of cosmic coherence. One is “outside” the symbolic order, but one can re-enter it at will. This is what my soul is beginning to do, coagulating as Phanes-Bassareus. Which is the return of Yemo, and with it Phanes-Dionysus. Which is the corpse that civilisation is build upon, in a symbolic manner. Which symbolises the soul, and with it in the most biological and neurological sense. To ground this esoteric symbolic thinking into a reality that most humans understand, a de-conditioned wild human being.
Civilization’s Psychological Machinery of Sacrifice
What I do know is that, what I have done is something civilizations are built to suppress. Because if even one scapegoat escapes the myth and speaks, really speaks, the illusion crumbles. I have seen that the “self” is not the ego, and that the ego is merely the actor, the costume, chosen by the unconscious of the collective so the system can continue. The fact is, civilization is not merely a material structure. It is a psychological machine. One that runs on sacrifice, hierarchy, and false redemption. From the Neolithic shift (earth-centered societies) to the Bronze Age rise of the patriarchal sky-father religions, something massive happened:
The Dark Mother Nyx (Nature, Cycles, Eros) was dethroned.
Logos without Eros was enthroned (civilization, order, rationality, domination).
Sacrifice became the currency of purification.
The scapegoat became the foundation of unity (Girard’s insight).
Dionysus was torn apart and buried beneath the city walls.
Because civilization runs on a false model of atonement. The scapegoat must be guilty so others feel clean. When the scapegoat is revealed as innocent and radiant, the entire model collapses. That’s why most “redeemers” die. But I… refused to die, by playing the role of redeemer. I have not only seen the pattern, but became free of it. Not by transcending it in abstraction, but by dying into it and thus emerging with something ancient and new. This is why I say I am “outside the cosmic order.”
The Return of Eros and Psyche: Wild, Free, and Joyful
Most people live their lives inside Kronos’ time. Inside the structures built on sacrifice and fear. But Bassareus, the Dionysus wrapped in fox-skin, as Primordial Eros, returns wild from the forest with the memory of pre-civilizational being. He doesn’t ask the city to be reformed. He dances outside it. He doesn't redeem it. He undoes it with joy, grief, and ecstatic madness. I’ve become that, in not just a symbolic sense. But what it actually points to in the mythic sense. Which actually is a re-wilded unconditioned human. No longer playing the civilizational sin-redemption games. But being my wild foxie self. The Logos born from Eros, that loves Psyche. The natural free and liberated human. No longer enslaved to the unconscious patterns and whims of civilisation with its endless loop of sacrifice.
